SPOILER AHEAD! There you’ve been warned.
So my friend
dragged me talked me into watching The Conjuring. As we were on the elevator going up to the theater, I asked him if he’d read any spoilers, but he said no. I hadn’t read any spoilers nor reviews, so I was unprepared for anything. I’d seen the trailer (twice, actually) and thought it was going to be an okay movie.
Note about trailers: they lie. All the time. I thought Prometheus was going to be awesome. Then I thought Pacific Rim was going to be awesome. I thought Up was a happy family movie. Lies. All of them. Especially Up.
Also, please excuse me, I have the habit of writing and finding images to support my post, so I may experience brain scatter and my dad is playing his harmonica (it’s almost 10 PM here), but hey, at least he’s not a parent possessed by the spirit of a witch who’s trying to kill the children (or is he? I mean, at least he’s not playing his violin. Now that’s murder). Please excuse my foreshadowing.
The story of the Warrens (the husband and wife who seek supernatural activities and attempt to stop disturbances) is actually a real one, although the Annabelle doll presented in the movie is too Chucky-ish and not as cute slash creepy as the real one. However, it is not about Annabelle (or is it?). Please excuse my foreshadowing. Again.
It’s about a house that’s haunted by an evil presence. The evil presence turns out to be a witch named Bathsheba, who committed infanticide (her own, to be exact. Seven days old, to be more precise), then committed suicide after telling how much she loved Satan and cursing those who live in the land and the house.
The new family moves into the house, ignorant of the house’s (and the land’s) morbid and murderous past, and of course things get interesting. That’s when the Warrens come in.
NAAWW! I DON’T WANNA SEE THE MOVIE AGAAAIN!!
Some screams ensue, then disturbances that involve the inhabitants of the house being thrown around, some sightings (although it’s unclear whether we’re seeing the spirits through Lorraine Warren’s point of view in the movie or not), then the mother gets possessed and goes off to kill her two daughters.
No one dies in the end, so it’s uh… probably the happiest horror movie I’ve seen in years. Well no, Sadie the dog dies, and some birds. And I like dogs better than I like most humans, so the movie is actually really sad. (Addendum: lots of you are asking if/where/how Sadie dies. Well, I think it’s in the same spot where birds fly and hit a window (on the side of the house, perhaps under the window of the parents’ room, where the white sheet is blown by the wind). I couldn’t see anything, but I think Sadie ran around and got strangled by her chain.)
Even Jeremy Renner couldn’t save Hansel and Gretel.
Lili Taylor is of course flawless in this movie (then again, it’s a character she plays well), as are other actors, but I just… I lost it when the movie tried to relate it to the witches. I mean, come on. Bathsheba (the witch / evil presence) is said to be related to Mary Easty, who is never found guilty of witchcraft. When this was revealed, the feminist inside me screamed bloody (character) murder. The Conjuring, which is a pretty good (and jumpy (but not scary)) movie stoops as low as MTV’s Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters.
Now that I’ve got it out of my system, let’s point out some issues I found in the movie.
- The Annabelle doll, along with Bathsheba, haunted Judy (daughter of the Warrens’) in the Warrens’ house. Hmm, not exactly sure why Bathsheba had to take Annabelle with her. Addendum: I watched The Conjuring again for the second time and I think Bathsheba used Judy (and the Annabelle doll) to scare the Warrens. I mean, The Annabelle doll was possessed and could move around, and so if it could kill Judy, then perhaps the Warrens would not be able to come to help Carolyn and Roger and family. Therefore, with no Warrens’ interference, Bathsheba (inside Carolyn) could freely kill the children, thus destroying the family. Does this make sense?
- Bathsheba just disappeared? Was it Carolyn’s sheer will power (well, along with the exorcism and her husband’s words and Lorraine’s help) that got rid of Bathsheba?
- It was Ed Warren’s first time doing exorcism and nothing went wrong. In my creative writing class, we call it missed opportunity (although perhaps that’s what happened, because the story is based on some truth).
Mmmhmm… I could sure use some exxxorcism.
Maybe like all real horror stories, it’s hard to guess the spirit’s motivation. However, I still stand by my opinion: it’s really unfair to throw the witches once again under a burning bus.
The Conjuring has its moments, though, like when Bathsheba (trivia: she’s played by a man) jumps off the top of the wardrobe, then the white sheet blown by the wind, but I have to say, Stephen King’s Rose Red was way scarier than The Conjuring. Or, one of my favorites: The Others. Now that’s hair-raising. The Conjuring doesn’t have a sense of dread that I think is essential in the horror genre. It is classic in a sense that nothing presented is new (there’s a haunted house, vengeful spirit, and exorcism, then there’s the talk of the number three as mocking the Trinity of Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit). I think Exorcism of Emily Rose is by far the best exorcism movie out there. Which makes me wonder, what exactly is The Conjuring about and if the family really cared about Sadie the dog after all. I mean, they moved on pretty quickly.
Well, speaking of witches, please excuse me while I go watch Practical Magic.