pacific rim: a melodramatic summer movie

Okay, so, I don’t know where to begin. I had been anticipating this movie so much, then I watched it and I felt duped. I mean, it’s even worse than Prometheus and I hate Prometheus to the core.

Let’s begin. Oh, God. First I need to see Charlie Hunnam’s abs.

Oh yes, you can Pacific Rim me any time.

Oh yes, he can Pacific Rim me any time.

Okay. I’m fine. I’m fine.

Ron Perlman is amazing as the crazy materialistic Hannibal Chau. I mean, those goddamn shoes (did anyone stay after the end credits? Hannibal Chau just pocket-knifes his way out of the baby kaiju and screams, “Where is my goddamn shoe?” Talk about an entrance (or is it an exit? Since it’s the end credits and he’s going out of something?)).

Then when one of the kaijus grabs Gipsy Danger and spreads its wings and fly. Ah, very unexpected and so amazing.

And, that’s about it.

The thing is, Pacific Rim should stick with kaiju-jaeger actions and smooth CGIs. I don’t care at all about the characters and whatever their issues are (one has daddy issues, one lost his brother, one lost her whole family and seeks revenge, one doesn’t want his adopted daughter to fight). Why? Because of their acting. I mean, seriously. Rinko Kikuchi (Mako Mori) was stellar in Babel and had more lines in that movie than in Pacific Rim (just so you know, Rinko Kikuchi played a deaf-mute in Babel). Maybe it’s what actors do once in a while, like Hilary Swank in The Core.

Did you know that the lights inside the helmet actually have no function than to light the actor's face so the audience can see it? Yeah. It's actually not practical at all.

Did you know that the lights inside the helmet actually have no function than to light the actor’s face so the audience can see it? Yeah. It’s actually not practical at all.

There’s this really, really cheesy scene where Stacker Pentecost (Idris Elba) stands on top of his jaeger (fighting machine), smiling at little girl Mako Mori, with the freaking sun setting behind freaking Idris Elba and the periwinkle rays and everything. I mean, seriously, del Toro? I usually cry like nobody’s business (Artificial Intelligence and Bicentennial Man. Whooohooo. Tears, tears, tears every where and then the lights went on I scrambled for tissues), but holy shat, I thought that scene was so cheesy that I almost used it for my baked potato and broccoli (yeah, I have a weird sense of humor).

But probably I found it so annoying because of the acting of Mana Ashida, the little girl who played little girl Mako Mori, was so horrible. So, so horrible. I mean, as if she was trying to compensate for the underacting that the other actors were doing in the movie. This kid’s acting was even worse than Dakota Fanning’s in War of the Worlds.

What... What am I doing here? I shouldn't be here! I... I CAN'T EVEN ACT!

What… What am I doing here? I shouldn’t be here! I… I CAN’T EVEN ACT!

Wait, no. I take that back.

Charlie Day should get an award for overacting and therefore creating such an annoying character. The two doctors are so annoying.

Suzuka Ohgo and Zoe Weizenbaum were brilliant in Memoirs of a Geisha and so were Alakina Mann and James Bentley in The Others. I hate children, but James Bentley in The Others… Oh God that kid. So adorable!

I thought Mako Mori would have more importance. Like, she would be the female badass, but apparently not. Raleigh (Charlie Hunnam) does all the work. I kept waiting and waiting, and I had high hopes when Pentecost (before sacrificing his life) said, “You can finish this, Mako!” Finish WHAT?

Also, it’s just weird that when Raleigh and Mako are mind-melded, they are still talking to each other to operate the jaeger. Well, it’s mostly Raleigh who does the talking (“Freeze the tail!” (or whatever) or “I think we’d better check for pulse!”).

And then what Pentecost said to Raleigh when they met at the Alaska-California wall project, about choosing whether to die there or in a jaeger. So original. I’m sure Dilon from Alien 3 would be proud.

Mmmhmm... It's like he was POURED into that costume.

Mmmhmm… It’s like he was POURED into that costume.

Also, can we talk about the wall? Really? A wall? Like… not even with laser beams or electricity like in Jurassic Park? Really? A WALL? Did anyone even notice the size of those kaijus?

Finally, the one thing that always irks me with giant robot and monster films (yes, ESPECIALLY Powerpuff Girls) is that the hero does more damage than the monster. Case in point: Gipsy Danger dragging a ship instead of lifting it, to fight a kaiju.

Drag, drag, drag your boat

Drag, drag, drag your boat

Well, at least it’s Gipsy Danger and not Gypsy Danger. Speaking of which, do you know why it’s spelled with an ‘i’ instead of ‘y’? No, I’m not talking about the racial slur.

Okay, here’s Charlie Hunnam again.

Oh yes, you can Pacific Rim me any time.

Mmmhmmm.

Note: I watched Pacific Rim twice in the theater because I thought watching it twice would change my mind for the better, but unfortunately not.

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murmurs of beauty

Quote

“I had to wonder if men were so blinded by beauty that they would feel privileged to live their lives with an actual demon, so long as it was a beautiful demon.”

– Sayuri (from Arthur Golden’s novel, Memoirs of a Geisha)