theandrogynous.net

I am so excited to be joining a team of wonderful people over at TheAndrogynous.net. Not only did the website’s name capture my attention, but I was also thrilled to put my degree to use.

I’m now the resident Assistant Copy Editor of the website, and my first (approved) post is about Angelina Jolie’s Maleficent. So head over there and tell me what you think.

Here’s a sizzling picture of Prince Philip (Brenton Thwaites) to motivate you:

things that are not quite right with disney’s frozen

I have to admit, the first time I watched Frozen, I didn’t like it. In fact, I hated it simply because I thought it didn’t live up to its hype.

Then I watched it the second time and really forced myself to watch it, and started falling in love with it. I realized small things like Kristen Bell can actually sing (and is classically trained – and I like her voice better than Menzel’s), Jonathan Groff (voice of Kristoff) is as sexy in real life as his character in Frozen (warning: LINK DEFINITELY NSFW), and that Olaf’s “In Summer” song – although the concept of a character singing happily and obliviously about his demise has been done before – is just so catchy and brilliant.

BuzzFeed has run an article about the fifteen questions in Frozen. Some of the points are valid, so I thought I didn’t have to write about them, but I still kind of want to do it, and I kind of have spare time to do it.

So, let’s get started. Warning: SPOILERS AND NSFW IMAGE.

1. Really? Those men are just going to leave a little kid (and his reindeer) alone in the cold, dark, snowy forest, that’s probably full of predators? 

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2. The King and Queen don’t age (or change their clothes).

Here they are with little Anna.

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And here they are as they’re going to board the ship, many, many years later. Not even a wrinkle, or gray hair. I demand to know who their doctor is! Or their hairdresser!

vlcsnap-2014-03-29-12h50m26s39Also, they wear the same dress when they barge into the room and slam the doors open to find Elsa cradling the unconscious Anna. Okay, so maybe it’s not that late and they haven’t changed into their dressing gowns.

Speaking of fashion choices, Anna sings about dressing up in a gown for the evening of her sister’s “cornoration”, but shows up not in a gown.

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3. No Prime Ministers? No Minister of Trade?

Then who’s doing trades with Weaseltown Weselton? They “closed the gates” but still doing trades? Then what does “closing the gates” mean?

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This also applies to Prince Hans of the Southern Isles. Really? How exactly does Arendelle work? No one actually objects to the idea of this foreigner ruling Arendelle? It would be better if he had some credentials, like he was the son of Arendelle’s recently diseased prime minister, so then everyone believed that he was capable of actually taking care of Arendelle.

Crazy eyes.

Crazy eyes.

I guess my biggest complaint is how Frozen‘s writers make minor characters seem really, really minor. Like this dude. Who keeps appearing and seeming to have a really important part.

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Which explains why these characters (including these soldiers)…

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Don’t react to this…

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When they can actually see what’s happening.

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4. Olaf. And that Snow Golem. 

I don’t care if Elsa can actually turn ice into fashion, fashion that can be worn by people who won’t think it’s too cold. Like these skate boots.

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But Elsa can actually create living, sentient beings? And not only that, but one of them actually knows a great deal of things like bats, summer (although oblivious to the fact that snow melts when it gets too warm), and how to start a fire (and still surprised to feel fire). Oh, and how many rooms does a castle usually have? Lots, right? So how does Olaf figure out which room to enter to find Anna lying there dying?

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Also, where did Elsa and Anna get the twigs and the carrot when they build Olaf in the palace?

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Also, bendy twigs? Really?

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The Snow Golem is actually not that sentient, but it’s still alive. And it’s faaaahbulous.

Tiara!

Tiara!

I guess what really bothers me about this movie is the level of credibility. Brave is largely fictional, yes – it involves magic and witches and will-of-a-wisps, and mothers-turning-into-bears – but the politics of the kingdom, the customs, they are clear. Unlike Frozen. Who mentors Elsa to become the queen? How much time passes between the King and Queen’s death and Elsa’s coronation? And do reindeers act like dogs?

I think if I were a kid, I’d love this movie unconditionally, the way I loved Pocahontas and Hercules and Hunchback of Notre Dame.

So, here, have this sexy Kristoff illustration.

Kristoff by David Kawena.

Kristoff by David Kawena.

everyday haiku: those disney endings

those Disney endings
can only happen in movies
real life is more fun

 

“Everyday Haiku” is updated on random (hopefully more frequent than hardly ever) basis. For the sake of these posts, the definition of haiku is a form of poetry that has three lines. The first line has five syllables, the second one has seven, and the third one has five.