smiling too much will give you wrinkles

So after an impromptu cocktail date with a friend, I managed to finally update my LinkedIn profile. Then, things got a little bit out of hand, because I stayed up for three goddamn hours updating it when I had better things to do (like sleep, because I needed to work on my thesis).

But here’s the silver lining: I’m awake (enough, I think) to catch today’s Daily Prompt and be one of the early submitters. And the challenge for today is to write one thing that makes you smile.

Really? Just one thing?

I thought so. So, I decided to go all Maria Von Trapp and list my favorite things the things that make me smile, in alphabetical order.

Absolutely Fabulous
Belly Dancing
Chocolate Cake
Mr. Boyfriend (his name begins with a D)
Engaging Conversations
Felines (my cat, Kenji, just got out of the hospital)
Gay Porn (yes, really)
Home (or the thought of it, which includes my family)
Internet (this is essential)
Jokes (oh this is just lazy)
Kathy Griffin
Lip syncing whenever and wherever possible (yes, even at the bus stop)
Make-up
Nasty sex
Orgasm
Payday
Queer movement and rights
Rupaul’s Drag Race (although this season has been lukewarm so far)
Shiny things
Tori Amos (or maybe not)
Ubud, Bali
Vintage silver jewelry and fabrics
Waking up on a Friday morning
Xena the Warrior Princess
Y is always the hardest. It doesn’t help that my name begins with a Y. 
Zim (from Invader Zim)

***

So at one point, I thought it would be cute to attach a gif file for every letter, but it’s also 5:30 in the morning and there are just too many gay porn gifs to choose from.

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oh 2013 and the importance of having a clean ass

So, 2012 was full of possibilities, just as it was full of fear and apprehension. I remember trying so hard to live in the present. I’ve abandoned that notion a long time ago. I live for the future. If it gives me anxiety, so be it. Living in the present gives me even more anxiety.

I thought 2013 would be awesome. Nah. It started so shitty (which we’ll cover in a moment). It involved so much drama (break-up, etc). I declare that 2013 is The Year of:

  • Leaving Men
  • Loving Men
  • Leaving Oneself
  • Loving Oneself
  • Making Friends
  • Leaving Friends
  • Being Drunk
  • Being Skinny
  • Being Stupid
  • Being Slutty
  • Being a Sore Loser (I want to scream every time a copy of Glimmer Train shows up in my mailbox)
  • Discovering a New Hobby (have you seen my Flickr page?)
  • Frequent Bottoming

In accordance with saving the best for last rule, I’d like to talk to you about bottoming. Yes. I’m going in (HA!). I think I’ve earned the right to blog about this. I have more than ten thousand hits since I started this blog in July 2014. Granted, it’s not as many hits as I’d like, but then again, the subjects I write aren’t that popular. In fact, the post that really stands out is my review of The Conjuring (6,330 hits as of the time of this entry). I should point out that my other posts are also excellent (there’s nothing sadder than plugging one’s blog post on one’s blog. I mean, really) such as my How To Guide to Survive Parties for Socially Awkward People, and my essay about Relationships.

But I digress. Back (ha!) to the subject of bottoming.

Ah, the joy of prostate orgasm. Read this. I’m trying not to provide any links from Wikipedia because, well, it’s Wikipedia. So read this. There’s a tight (ha!) section in article about diets which we’ll discuss.

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And I don’t douche – I’ll save that one for when I’m ninety. I was once asked by someone how it was possible that my ass was so clean and ready whenever he wanted to mount me. I told him it was because I’m Indonesian. After pooping, we clean the area with water, not just toilet paper. No, it’s not frivolous.

However, as much as we hate to admit it, we bottoms are not always pristine. We curse, we fart (we don’t do this in the presence of a top because it reduces our mystical qualities; we sometimes don’t do this in the presence of other bottoms because bitches will talk to our top and badmouth us it’s just impolite). I know I’m smelly (not down there, but how would I know, right?) after a good workout or when it’s hot and humid. We have mushy, chocolate mousse-y (or perhaps chocolate moushe-y?) days. Upon reading this WebMD article about fiber, I decided that fiber is all in all good for you. In and out. (Ha!)

Chocolate Mousse. Yum. Image borrowed (without permission but with acknowledgment) from Family Heritage Recipes.

So, here are some dietary items that don’t work for me (I’m vegetarian):

  1. Coffee (thank goodness I generally don’t drink coffee)
  2. Spicy food (which includes Indian, Mexican, and Szechuan, all of which are my favorites)
  3. Some types of cheese (I’m borderline lactose intolerant too, unfortunately)
  4. Anything that makes me gassy or bloated (beans, broccoli). This is probably the worst feeling. It’s like being constipated but knowing there’s nothing inside but gas.

If you like these things, then plan ahead. I get instantaneous reactions from consuming beans and broccoli. I think I’ve had several accidents involving coffee (let’s just say that during which times I wished humans excreted Nutella instead).

Ooh, it’s heart-shaped! Image borrowed (without permission but with acknowledgment) from HauteApplePie.

Finally, if you, as a bottom, think that you’re not ready to do it (for whatever reasons), just say so. It is pretty confusing because having something up the bum feels similar to pooping. Then you lose your hard-on because you’re obsessing whether or not it’s fudge and hoping by all things good and mighty that it’s not fudge. Some people are just so anal (ha!) about it.

And Tops, please respect our decision not to take it for the team and give us time if we really don’t feel like it? Thanks.

Well, there’s that. All the opening hoopla and just a teensy note on bottoming tips. I think it’s a pretty fair way to end 2013, don’t you?

Here’s for a cleaner, more pleasurable 2014.

***

Post probably totally somewhat inspired by The Daily Post’s Prompt.

everyday haiku: I can’t believe this

I can’t believe this
Study-vacation’s ended
School starts on Tuesday

Denpasar Moon

Denpasar Moon

*Prompted by the back-to-school Daily Post prompt. I haven’t even packed. I don’t want to go back to the US…

“Everyday Haiku” is updated on random (hopefully more frequent than hardly ever) basis. For the sake of these posts, the definition of haiku is a form of poetry that has three lines. The first line has five syllables, the second one has seven, and the third one has five.

i dance, therefore i am

Dancing with Lilith the Sword at Gedung Kesenian Jakarta & Dancewave Center's event for Jakarta Anniversary Festival on Saturday, June 15, 2013 . The show is called "Nyai Dasima" and I was the shaman / professional hit man.

Dancing with Lilith the Sword at Gedung Kesenian Jakarta & Dancewave Center‘s event for Jakarta Anniversary Festival on Saturday, June 15, 2013 . The show is called “Nyai Dasima” and I was the shaman / professional hit man. Yes, that’s a blindfold. Photo by Putri Soesilo. 

I started going to the gym after a heartbreak back in 2006. Then in late 2007, the gym opened a belly dance class (I was one of the people who requested it). The instructor happened to be teaching belly dance outside of gym, so I began taking classes from her.

Now I’m part of her troupe called the velvetRAQS in Jakarta where I specialize in Tribal Fusion belly dance. I’m also a member of Taksu Tribal, an American Tribal Style® troupe based in San Francisco.

Dancing keeps me on my edge. It’s a therapy. Whenever I am unable to translate my thoughts into coherent words, I dance. It is through dancing that I found my passion in antique textiles and jewelry. It is through dancing that I found my passion in make-up, which becomes my saving grace. Whenever I feel depressed, I’ll just paint my face and the world becomes a happier place.

thesis? what thesis?

Turns out, I’m a full-time procrastinator.

Kitty sitting on a pile of books and notebooks. These are just a few books that I brought to Bali for my thesis project. I'm traveling to several cities in Indonesia to document the lives and communities of drag queens and cross-gender performers.

Kitty the Doll sitting on a pile of books and notes. These are just some of the things that I brought to Bali for my thesis about the lives and communities of drag queens and cross-gender performers in Indonesia. 

Thank you, Daily Post, for reminding me that instead of my thesis, this is how I’ve been spending my time in Bali:

Stubby toes vs. the waves of Canggu Beach

Stubby toes vs. the waves of Canggu Beach

It’s a good thing this project isn’t due until next year! Whee! Let’s get naked!

i would wake up as your friend

I would wake up as your friend
And help you move on with your life
Help you smile again, laugh again
Talk to our friends as if nothing had happened

I would wake up as your friend
And give you courage
To delete my photos, my videos, my number
So you wouldn’t be saddened

I would wake up as your friend
And say thank you to your cat
To your clothes and your stove
To your silent backyard

I would wake up as your friend
And help you be free of me
Of that day when I left you for good
And made your life hard

I would wake up as your friend
So I could remind you not to lose yourself
The way I had lost my heart to someone else
And then lost myself entirely

I would wake up as your friend
So we could hate me together
So you would know I was never deserving
Of love and affection you had given me

***

Freaky Friday prompt by the Daily Post. Well, it’s already Saturday morning here in Bali, Indonesia.

are you even there? god?

Hey.

I know we’re not in good terms right now. I don’t even know how long it’s been. No, don’t say how long.

I tried praying, really, I did. Then one of your people took my faith away. He took my faith in love and rescinded me into almost nothingness. Then I was left to pick up my pieces and fend for myself, and I did it all without praying.

Years ago, when I lost my cat, I stayed away from you for three weeks. Then I came back. I cursed you, but I came back. I don’t know if I can do the same now.

Your people have done more hurt than good. But I’ll bet you already know. You, being omniscient, omnipotent. You, who wreaked havoc on Earth with water. You, who brought damage to Sodom with brim stones (therefore justifying the cursing of the likes of me). Was the 2005 Tsunami also your wrath? What about AIDS? Ebola? SARS? Osama bin Laden? Justin Bieber? Or the boys of One Direction?

Are you benevolent? Are you choosy? Are you loving?

Do you pick your fights? Do you know when to stay silent and when to fight back?

Which one is your true book? Which one is your true prophet?

If you teach love, then why is the world so devoid of love? Do you even care?

Do you think we need a new you?

Are you listening?

Are you even there?

***

This open letter to God (whoever that is) was inspired by this Daily Post prompt.