can you suck my big black dick?

I found this scrap of paper as I was rummaging through the front pocket of my gym bag.

There was no phone number, no e-mail. I can’t remember sitting or standing at BART station or train or MUNI station or train or bus next to a black man who looked like he had a big black dick.

I keep thinking: it was such a missed opportunity. I never tried a big black dick. Anyone willing?

can you suck my big black dick

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everyday haiku: some full moons ago

some full moons ago
you told me you’d made peace with
not seeing me again

Bay Area Moon

“Everyday Haiku” is updated on random (hopefully more frequent than hardly ever) basis. For the sake of these posts, the definition of haiku is a form of poetry that has three lines. The first line has five syllables, the second one has seven, and the third one has five.

accidental domestic god(dess): I was only chopping onions

Actually no. I don’t cry when I chop onions. I cry every time I have facial extractions. Oh, and I cry rivers every time I see the execution scene of Tuptim and Balat in Anna and the King and that la mort de Marcel scene in La Môme.

But this, this epiphany of how onions (and shallots) can mask the taste of extravirgin coconut oil (healthy but like all healthy things, it tastes blah), it made me cry.

Also I found out that sourdough is healthy (okay, now I have to rebuttal my own statement – sourdough actually tastes delicious).

This is what I do:

I heat the pan, put in coconut oil, chili powder, some salt, oregano, chopped shallots and onions, and put in chopped white button mushrooms.

I whip two eggs with almond milk and once the button mushrooms and shallots and onions are done, I pour the egg with almond milk into the pan and wait until it becomes more solid.

After the egg is about done, I fold it in the frying pan and put in slices of sourdough bread, so that the mixture of coconut oil – salt – chili – oregano – shallots – onions seeps into the bread and the frying makes the result crunchy.

When they’re done, I put them on a plate, and while the frying pan is still hot, I saute slices of tomatoes for about a minute before putting them on the side of the scrambled egg and the bread.

sourdough scrambled egg mushrooms tomato

accidental domestic god(dess): the art of dumping everything into the blender

Get the reddest of hearts and slice them apart to quarters.*

Drop two spoons of acid.**

You like it sugarcoated? Suit yourself.***

Milk it. ****

Set it to pulverize and hello, breakfast. Or lunch. Or dinner. Or whenever.

This is not vegan.

Strawberry hearts

* Use strawberries. Not real hearts. If you really want to, use your enemies’.

** I use apple cider vinegar.

*** Honey (told you it wasn’t vegan) however much you want it.

**** Unsweetened almond milk.

accidental domestic god(dess): the secret of making flavor seep into meat

Oh, I was only kidding with the title. I’m vegetarian. Although that doesn’t mean I’m better than anyone else (there, I admit it).

This tip is for sauteed food.

What you do is you heat the frying pan. When it’s hot enough, throw in cooking agent (I use coconut oil), stir and play with it a bit until it evenly covers the surface of the frying pan. Throw in ground seasoning/herbs that you want. For my dinner, I used (in this order): chili powder, salt, and oregano. Stir them some more until they mix together in form and smell, and you can proceed with cooking.

You’re welcome.

Also, I’m not going to do a Google search to see if anyone’s done this before. No. I am a genius. A bit delusional, perhaps, but isn’t that one of the signs of high intelligence? No, I’m not Googling that either.

herbs

everyday haiku: you are beautiful

you are beautiful
even your insanity
adds to your allure

Sexy

“Everyday Haiku” is updated on random (hopefully more frequent than hardly ever) basis. For the sake of these posts, the definition of haiku is a form of poetry that has three lines. The first line has five syllables, the second one has seven, and the third one has five.

accidental domestic god(dess): the art of dumping everything into the frying pan

Simple, yet satisfying.

(OH GOD I AM SUCH A LOUSY COOK… AND AN EVEN WORSE FOOD PHOTOGRAPHER)

Tempeh with mushrooms and kale, sauteed with coconut oil with some salt and chili powder. You can see the smoke billowing. The taste is meh, but I was hungry. Okay, now I need to go see Lion King.

Tempeh, mushrooms, and kale