a little hello

I dreamed about you.

I don’t quite remember what it was. I just remembered you, in bed, in your grey brown shorts, in your olive green shirt, you wore a hat, a cap, the cap I knew so well.

You looked at me and your smile just said everything you’d wanted to say, everything you’d been trying to say, all those years, all those years.

I dreamed about you.

Months after months after months without even a little hello, a little acknowledgement of existence, but I know you’re still there, still alive, still surviving.

I don’t blame you. How can I. I was the one who left. I was the villain. The poison. The bitch. I took everything away from you. Everything everything everything.

Delete me. Eliminate me. Annihilate me. I don’t blame you. I won’t blame you.

You’re a better person than I am.

You’ll always be a better person than I will ever be.

The sun kissed my skin when I woke up and for a moment I wondered why I was so happy.

Canggu Beach, Bali

everyday haiku: I can’t believe this

I can’t believe this
Study-vacation’s ended
School starts on Tuesday

Denpasar Moon

Denpasar Moon

*Prompted by the back-to-school Daily Post prompt. I haven’t even packed. I don’t want to go back to the US…

“Everyday Haiku” is updated on random (hopefully more frequent than hardly ever) basis. For the sake of these posts, the definition of haiku is a form of poetry that has three lines. The first line has five syllables, the second one has seven, and the third one has five.

everyday haiku: there is no island

there is no island
more beautiful than that of
the one of the gods

 

*I can’t believe I’m leaving Bali and flying back to Jakarta, and then the US.

Balinese flower

“Everyday Haiku” is updated on random (hopefully more frequent than hardly ever) basis. For the sake of these posts, the definition of haiku is a form of poetry that has three lines. The first line has five syllables, the second one has seven, and the third one has five.

thesis? what thesis?

Turns out, I’m a full-time procrastinator.

Kitty sitting on a pile of books and notebooks. These are just a few books that I brought to Bali for my thesis project. I'm traveling to several cities in Indonesia to document the lives and communities of drag queens and cross-gender performers.

Kitty the Doll sitting on a pile of books and notes. These are just some of the things that I brought to Bali for my thesis about the lives and communities of drag queens and cross-gender performers in Indonesia. 

Thank you, Daily Post, for reminding me that instead of my thesis, this is how I’ve been spending my time in Bali:

Stubby toes vs. the waves of Canggu Beach

Stubby toes vs. the waves of Canggu Beach

It’s a good thing this project isn’t due until next year! Whee! Let’s get naked!

the abundance of silence

It’s funny how we both opt
For a slow ease of death
Instead of a fast, quick blow

The boats on your bedsheet
With their one-two-threes
The smokes billowing

If you accepted silence for an answer
Then you’d find it in abundance
As proof of my feelings for you

i would wake up as your friend

I would wake up as your friend
And help you move on with your life
Help you smile again, laugh again
Talk to our friends as if nothing had happened

I would wake up as your friend
And give you courage
To delete my photos, my videos, my number
So you wouldn’t be saddened

I would wake up as your friend
And say thank you to your cat
To your clothes and your stove
To your silent backyard

I would wake up as your friend
And help you be free of me
Of that day when I left you for good
And made your life hard

I would wake up as your friend
So I could remind you not to lose yourself
The way I had lost my heart to someone else
And then lost myself entirely

I would wake up as your friend
So we could hate me together
So you would know I was never deserving
Of love and affection you had given me

***

Freaky Friday prompt by the Daily Post. Well, it’s already Saturday morning here in Bali, Indonesia.

poetry in motion

These are some sample images from my Postcards from Bali collection.

Arja (cross-dresser) doing Bondres (Balinese comedy)

Arja (cross-dresser) doing Bondres (Balinese comedy)

Kebyar Duduk

Kebyar Duduk

Baris Dance

Baris Dance

Fisherman Dance

Fisherman Dance

Legong Trance Dance

Legong Trance Dance. Yes, they closed their eyes half of their performance without tripping nor bumping into one another. 

"Nyamar" ("Masquerade") Dance

“Nyamar” (“Masquerade”) Dance

Barong

Barong

In other news, my submission of “Arja” made it to Toemailer’s WordPress Blog.