genderfuck: why feminine gay men are awesome and why slut-shaming should stop

Oh haaaayyy.

Can you believe this? Two posts, two long posts, in one day. One day! Must be the New Year spirit. Let’s see how long this lasts. I posted thirty two entries in August 2013 (I think they are mostly haikus). August only has thirty one days, so that must mean I wrote two entries on one day.

Anyway, I’m here to talk about why feminine gay men are awesome (hence the title: the girlie show: why feminine gay men are awesome; I’ll get to the next point, which is slut shaming, right after this one, in fact, the two points are going to organically merge. You’ll find out later).

There are some douchebags out there who flat out refuse to meet gays that are “fat (or) Asian (or) feminine.” Well, I might as well be three of them now that I’m eating like crazy and can no longer wear size 4 girl clothes (I’m a six now. WHICH IS THE NEW FOURTEEN).

To be honest, those douchebags are sometimes really hot. I mean, my type hot. But then again, I’ve a very diverse taste in men. So, I whine like a little bitch, saying, “Whyyy? I’ll suck your cock good. I’m a good cock sucker. Reference available upon request.” And then move on to the next victim.

When I was sixteen, my gay friend (who was around my age at that time) said, “You know why you don’t have a boyfriend? Because you’re such a girl. I bet that if you act more masculine, you’ll have a boyfriend in no time.” We stopped being friends after that.

Then fourteen fucking years later (Oh fuck, I just sorta gave away my age), a guy sent me a message on Adam4Adam. Here’s a little disclaimer: I did write “Why is it so hard to find a nice top? Is it because normally tops are mostly doucheys and or intellectually challenged?”

To which he replied:

“Of course it’s hard for you to find a top. You’re girlish. You’re a dude. Stop acting like a girl.”

Before I could reply, he’d blocked my profile. Coward.

This may not be apparent in more developed countries like the US or Europe (excluding Turkey), but in Indonesia, feminine guys are easy to spot. We can’t hide. I mean, sure, there are some really oblivious relatives who asked me when I’d get married (to which I’d usually reply, “I don’t think it’s legal yet.” It’s a hit or miss joke). In Indonesia, “straight-acting” gay guys can lead a life of lies. Heck, even a guy who makes me look like Stallone (Sylvester, not Jackie) compared to him, can get married to a poor girl somewhere in the village and settle. Perhaps not happily, but without fear of getting discovered.

My point is, feminine gays are the ones who get bullied more often. Every beating we get, every spit, every nasty word makes us stronger. This is why I’m getting so angry every time someone equates the word “sissy” to “coward”.

I know perhaps Nicole Kidman’s Stepford Wives got Razzie nominations or something (it’s rated 27% on RottenTomatoes.com), but I love that movie. At one point, the men try to change Richard, sweet, sweet, bitchy, loud, effeminate, Richard to a manlier man. This change is supported by Richard’s partner, Jerry. Apparently, no one wants gay men to be stereotypically bitchy, loud, and effeminate. 

Well guess what, that’s because the bitchy, loud, and effeminate gay men are the ones who stand out. We’re the visible ones. While the “straight-looking” ones can hide, the feminine ones most of the times can’t.

While we’re on the subject of stereotyping, I guess now the gay stereotype is butch, straight-acting, and gym buff without the slightest lisp. I don’t think anyone is complaining, because that’s how men are supposed to behave.

Well, I ain’t gonna behave like that. I ain’t gonna hide.

I know why many men can’t stand us. I know many men can’t stand my high-pitched, trebly voice, my girlish demeanor, my bitchiness. This is why I’m doing all of those. This is why I’m walking around with my eyeliner and my limp wrists and my tight ass jeans and my knee-high girl boots and old-woman jewelry, shaking my hips to Vogue and Suddenly I See and lipsynching to Natural Woman at the bus stop.

So for 2014, if you haven’t already, try to do something that’s stereotypically not for your gender (I’m not saying sex, which is more of a biological term while gender is a state of mind). Call a guy a skank instead of a douchebag. Other terms you can use for guys include whore, bitch, slut. See how he likes it. Ladies, take a hint from Mean Girls and stop the slut shaming.

I know this is a stretch, and perhaps you guys can make out the connection between effeminate gay men and drag queens, but this is worth knowing. The Stonewall Riot, the very riot that helped propelled the campaign that made USA this gay friendly (although still two steps behind Canada and the Netherlands) involved drag queens. Also read this, this, and this. If you’re looking for a more “balanced” diet, you may want to read this

(Guys, seriously, I thought I didn’t have to tell you that I was being sarcastic about this whole balanced thing. Seriously, I’m not claiming I was there during the riot, but I’m sure drag queens were involved. Everyone knows how fierce drag queens are. I mean, really. A girly gay man like me not being supportive of drag queens? And really, I linked FOUR articles that support drag queens’ presence at Stonewall Riot and ONLY ONE that doesn’t. Doesn’t that mean anything? So before anyone gets all worked up, once again, the “balanced diet” thing is sarcasm).

And finally. Here. Here’s to 2014. Again.

Yeah, I totally made this one. Ferrealz.

Yeah, I totally made this one. Ferrealz.

ADDENDUM: My hit counter has gone bonkers over this post. I think it’s all over Facebook (well, “all over” is an overstatement), and yet only TWO comments (one of which is my reply)? I can’t see your “Like” (if you “Like” it) or your comment on your friend’s Facebook link, so by all means, please type your comment here. You can use your Facebook account to log in to WordPress and give comments on this blog post. I promise I won’t stalk you.

Advertisements

18 thoughts on “genderfuck: why feminine gay men are awesome and why slut-shaming should stop

  1. The notion of Dale Carpenter being “balanced” about anything having to do with trans issues is sadly laughable. He fought hard to keep trans people from contaminating what he viewed as his gay movement. He’s one of those 1990s activists who liked to spread the lie that trans people were riding on the coattails of gay men.

    Note that Dale got the very first sentence wrong, “The recent death of Sylvia Rivera, an activist drag queen who threw quarters at the police during the Stonewall riot… ” Sylvia self-identified as a transsexual, a transgender person and, using the terminology of the late 1960s and early 1970s, a drag queen. The first part of his sentence strips Sylvia of her identity and then second minimizes her role. After all, she just tossed a couple of quarters during the event, right? RIGHT?!?

    Dale being balanced on any trans topic is laughable. Note that Dale never mentioned that the trans community had been instigating numerous actions prior to Stonewall in order to mount a legal challenge to the anti-queer laws. Note that he also failed to mention that the trans community payed for the post-Stonewall legal fight.

    Did he use Wilchins’ hyperbole to simply argue that Wilchins was full of BS? No, he made the fallacious argument that because Wilchins was wrong in her assertion that Stonewall was a drag bar full of drag queens, trans people weren’t a substantial part of why Stonewall happened. Dale correctly offers evidence to show that Wilchins was wrong, but offers none to support his claim that Stonewall didn’t start with trans people resisting and inciting others to also fight back.

    Since Dale quoted Sylvia to support his fallacious argument, let me give you a direct quote from Sylvia about that night:

    “Common practice says the police from the 6th Precinct would come in to each gay bar and collect their payoff… Well, it just so happened that that night it was muggy; everybody was being,I guess, cranky; a lot of us were involved in different struggles; and instead of dispersing, we went across the street.Part of history forgets, that as the cops are inside the bar, the confrontation started outside by throwing change at the police. We started with the pennies,the nickels, the quarters, and the dimes.“Here’s your payoff, you pigs! You fucking pigs! Get out of our faces.” This was started by the street queens of that era, which I was part of, Marsha P. Johnson, and many others that are not here.”

    Note that Dale argued, “it seems likely the Stonewall patrons who rebelled that June night in 1969 included many (perhaps mostly) middle-class, non-transgendered, gay white males. It’s possible that the few drag queens present provided all (or most of) the rebellion while the others cowered. But there is no reason to make that assumption unless we indulge stereotypes about the timidity of gay men. So a description of the riot as an uprising of drag queens may be more politically correct, but as history it seems partial.”

    Dale makes it sound as if the riot started INSIDE the bar. It didn’t. He uses his misrepresentation of where the riot began to support the lie that trans people weren’t instigators. He talks about the Mattachine Society without mentioning the fact that the trans community – specifically, Lee Brewster – paid the Mattachine Society’s bills.

    Seriously, pointing to Dale as a source of “balance” is like pointing to Fox New for a balanced take on Obama during an election.

  2. Pingback: genderfuck: go ahead, call him a whore | FamousFeline

  3. This is absolutely spot on! We’ve come such a long way from being shamed and ostracized by heterosexuals. It makes no sense to me for gays to shame other gays just because the way they express themselves is a little different. It’s really backward and counter-productive. You do you, sass and slay the haters. Read them to filth.

  4. Excellent piece! This gay homophobia has become so acceptable that it goes unquestioned and it grinds my effin gears. I was around when London had about three very hush-hush gay bars so I’ve watched the gay rights movement almost from the beginning and it saddens me that so many of us have turned into nasty little queer-bashers. I have a couple of very splashy friends and the shit I’ve seen them get from the gay “community” (ha!) is sickening. The truth, as I never cease pointing out, is that it takes a helluva lot of courage to face the insults and, sometimes, physical attacks the way they do.
    I could go on about this for hours but I shan’t. Thank you for doing your bit. Gay men need to deal with this problem. It’s internalised self-hatred and, by extension, deeply misogynistic.
    You go, gurl!

    • Exactly! You know, I don’t really care when some gays are sexually turned off by my femininity, but the issue, as you have pointed out, is much deeper than that. And believe me, I’d love to let you go on and on about this issue.

  5. Haaay, I love your post and the way to stand up for yourself. It is refreshing to read a post that pertains to myself. Do not talk this wrong, but you go girl! P.s you can stalk me anytime. lol

  6. Funny, I’m and act a bit fem, I have a masculine body, but I talk, act, and look feminine, and guess what, I TOP. I’m that fem gay guy who breaks a guy’s cheek bone into his skull if he tries something hurtful my boy, I will cry my heart out the second he hits the floor, but he will hit the floor. I don’t top because I like to dominate, I top because that is how I enjoy it the most, I don’t enjoy being a bottom as much, but I don’t say no to my boy. People think we fem guys are weak, we get the worse treatment in the gay community, even some gay people badmouth us (what the hell guys? we’re stabbing each other in the back now?), because we are easy to spot. FEMININE DOES NOT MEAN SUBMISSIVE, I’m not even comfortable with the word “feminine” I AM HUMAN OK?
    I hate violence, but I live in Iran, here your are always outnumbered, you have to know how fight dirty, I’d rather get torn to pieces than see my boy cry or devil forbids hurt, I can sleep with bruises, but his tears will keep me up at night.

spew on me

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s