pacific rim: a melodramatic summer movie

Okay, so, I don’t know where to begin. I had been anticipating this movie so much, then I watched it and I felt duped. I mean, it’s even worse than Prometheus and I hate Prometheus to the core.

Let’s begin. Oh, God. First I need to see Charlie Hunnam’s abs.

Oh yes, you can Pacific Rim me any time.

Oh yes, he can Pacific Rim me any time.

Okay. I’m fine. I’m fine.

Ron Perlman is amazing as the crazy materialistic Hannibal Chau. I mean, those goddamn shoes (did anyone stay after the end credits? Hannibal Chau just pocket-knifes his way out of the baby kaiju and screams, “Where is my goddamn shoe?” Talk about an entrance (or is it an exit? Since it’s the end credits and he’s going out of something?)).

Then when one of the kaijus grabs Gipsy Danger and spreads its wings and fly. Ah, very unexpected and so amazing.

And, that’s about it.

The thing is, Pacific Rim should stick with kaiju-jaeger actions and smooth CGIs. I don’t care at all about the characters and whatever their issues are (one has daddy issues, one lost his brother, one lost her whole family and seeks revenge, one doesn’t want his adopted daughter to fight). Why? Because of their acting. I mean, seriously. Rinko Kikuchi (Mako Mori) was stellar in Babel and had more lines in that movie than in Pacific Rim (just so you know, Rinko Kikuchi played a deaf-mute in Babel). Maybe it’s what actors do once in a while, like Hilary Swank in The Core.

Did you know that the lights inside the helmet actually have no function than to light the actor's face so the audience can see it? Yeah. It's actually not practical at all.

Did you know that the lights inside the helmet actually have no function than to light the actor’s face so the audience can see it? Yeah. It’s actually not practical at all.

There’s this really, really cheesy scene where Stacker Pentecost (Idris Elba) stands on top of his jaeger (fighting machine), smiling at little girl Mako Mori, with the freaking sun setting behind freaking Idris Elba and the periwinkle rays and everything. I mean, seriously, del Toro? I usually cry like nobody’s business (Artificial Intelligence and Bicentennial Man. Whooohooo. Tears, tears, tears every where and then the lights went on I scrambled for tissues), but holy shat, I thought that scene was so cheesy that I almost used it for my baked potato and broccoli (yeah, I have a weird sense of humor).

But probably I found it so annoying because of the acting of Mana Ashida, the little girl who played little girl Mako Mori, was so horrible. So, so horrible. I mean, as if she was trying to compensate for the underacting that the other actors were doing in the movie. This kid’s acting was even worse than Dakota Fanning’s in War of the Worlds.

What... What am I doing here? I shouldn't be here! I... I CAN'T EVEN ACT!

What… What am I doing here? I shouldn’t be here! I… I CAN’T EVEN ACT!

Wait, no. I take that back.

Charlie Day should get an award for overacting and therefore creating such an annoying character. The two doctors are so annoying.

Suzuka Ohgo and Zoe Weizenbaum were brilliant in Memoirs of a Geisha and so were Alakina Mann and James Bentley in The Others. I hate children, but James Bentley in The Others… Oh God that kid. So adorable!

I thought Mako Mori would have more importance. Like, she would be the female badass, but apparently not. Raleigh (Charlie Hunnam) does all the work. I kept waiting and waiting, and I had high hopes when Pentecost (before sacrificing his life) said, “You can finish this, Mako!” Finish WHAT?

Also, it’s just weird that when Raleigh and Mako are mind-melded, they are still talking to each other to operate the jaeger. Well, it’s mostly Raleigh who does the talking (“Freeze the tail!” (or whatever) or “I think we’d better check for pulse!”).

And then what Pentecost said to Raleigh when they met at the Alaska-California wall project, about choosing whether to die there or in a jaeger. So original. I’m sure Dilon from Alien 3 would be proud.

Mmmhmm... It's like he was POURED into that costume.

Mmmhmm… It’s like he was POURED into that costume.

Also, can we talk about the wall? Really? A wall? Like… not even with laser beams or electricity like in Jurassic Park? Really? A WALL? Did anyone even notice the size of those kaijus?

Finally, the one thing that always irks me with giant robot and monster films (yes, ESPECIALLY Powerpuff Girls) is that the hero does more damage than the monster. Case in point: Gipsy Danger dragging a ship instead of lifting it, to fight a kaiju.

Drag, drag, drag your boat

Drag, drag, drag your boat

Well, at least it’s Gipsy Danger and not Gypsy Danger. Speaking of which, do you know why it’s spelled with an ‘i’ instead of ‘y’? No, I’m not talking about the racial slur.

Okay, here’s Charlie Hunnam again.

Oh yes, you can Pacific Rim me any time.

Mmmhmmm.

Note: I watched Pacific Rim twice in the theater because I thought watching it twice would change my mind for the better, but unfortunately not.

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6 thoughts on “pacific rim: a melodramatic summer movie

  1. Totally agree. Actually, there were far too many irritating things. First of all, it’s very inconvincing that the jaegers are the world’s last hope. You can’t kill kaiju with a smart bomb, but it’s not a problem to beat it to death with a ship container??? Now, I really like Rinko, but if I followed correctly the movie’s chronology, then she looks too old to be Mako, who should be 20-22 years old. The non-english speaking teames were eliminated too fast. Like, they were on screen to add an international touch, since it’s a global problem, but, yeah guys, step off the scene, ‘cuz it’s time for the real heroes. And why the russians were drowning? They fight in the ocean, but nobody consider they might need a diving equipment, or at least closed helmet and oxygen supply? Also, there was something wrong with the proportions at moments. I don’t know much about ships, but the one they used as a baht was kind of small. So were the jaegers in the hangar. On other hand, the first kaiju in San Francisco looked much bigger then the others. Yeah, size matters. Perhaps I’m just hairspliting here, but small details like those actually ruined the movie for me. And the bad acting (Idris, I really expected more from you). And the the obvious similarities with other movies. And the lack of plot/good lines/sense. And the two nerds (I can’t believe some people find them funny as hell)… And, yeah, why were they talking to each other?

    • EXACTLY! Everything you said.

      ESPECIALLY IDRIS ELBA.

      But then again, maybe he was just playing off of the material that he’d been given and took it upon him to multiply its cheesiness. If that was the case, he was successful.

      • I really hate when decent actors play stupid roles in block busters just because of the money. Like that crap “Thor” – it had an impresive list of established stars, and one may think that they’ll put some effort and bring the movie to another levell, but noooo… Such a disappointment. Actually, I only went to watch it because of Asano Tadanobu, whose role was more than tiny: there were rocks with bigger parts. In fact, the guy said it in an interview few years ago, that there is a certain price for an asian actors in order to be noticed in Hollywood and he’s ready to try. Maybe the old dogs think in a similar way. They must reach younger audience somehow and stay tuned. To a 15-years old, Anthony Hopkins in “Remains of the Days” means nothing, but Thor’s dad is smth else. And still, that’s not a reason for poor acting. Sorry for the off topic, but you know what I mean. Dozens of movies, hundreds of millions in budget and not even one original or at least well made story.

      • Oh my God, you should’ve seen me rant when I first watched Predators. I mean, Laurence Fishburne. WTH. But then again, I also hated that movie. Just the way I hated Charlize Theron in Prometheus (wait, Idris Elba was also in Prometheus). Goddammit, Predators, Prometheus, Pacific Rim. They all start with “p”.

        Don’t be sorry, you weren’t off topic at all! I welcome you to rant about movies on my posts, even though we don’t share the same opinion.

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